Things I learned from watching Zero Dark Thirty

1. It’s fine, really, to wear an Ann Taylor suit to your first torture session, but by the second you’ll have caught on and wear jeans and an ochre sweater. Much more comfortable.

2. People in Pakistan speak Arabic. (Urdu must be a rumor.)

3. Most terrorists speak English. This makes intelligence gathering much easier! (I knew there was a reason for all those “Friends” reruns on TV all over the world.)

4. Spies with beards look a lot like Williamsburg hipsters.

5. The coach from Friday Night Lights, who plays the CIA station chief, has no forehead, only hair.

6. Anyone who tells you this movie is not pro-torture is, well, wrong.

7. Zero Dark Thirty is not a very good movie. Not at all a good movie.

Things I didn’t learn from watching Zero Dark Thirty

1. Why it’s called “Zero Dark Thirty”

2. Context.